"You're Worth More Dead than Alive"

[Sometimes I have down days. You may not have as extreme thoughts as I have, however, you probably can relate to some of these feelings. Sometimes I use my blog as a personal diary. Blogging helps me gain perspective. Most of the time, I am very positive. I really believe God is in control. Of course, I think that was the whole point of the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."]

Remember this quote from "It's a Wonderful Life?"

Mr. Potter: [to George Bailey] Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You claimed you were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me "a warped, frustrated, old man!" Who are you but a warped, frustrated young man, crawling in here on your hands and knees begging for help. No securities, no stocks, no bonds. Nothin' but a miserable little $500 equity in a life insurance policy. You're worth more dead than alive.

I can identify with the feeling of being worth more dead than alive. From a financial perspective, it may be true. If I died, all of my bills would be paid, including the house. My children's college education would be taken care of. No more anxiety and frustration about not having enough money to take care of the bills.

It would probably be less difficult for Phyllis to deal with my death than my children. She is very into her career as a teacher. She is also a very strong person. Having no financial worries may be more positive for her than the negative of not having me around. She would get remarried in a few years to someone who could take care of her better than I have been able to. It would be more difficult on Matthew, Melissa, and Michael. Thinking of how painful it would be for them, keeps me alive.

George Bailey realized how valuable he was to his family and community with the help of Clarence, his guardian angel. Clarence's idea was to show George what would happen if he had never been born. George influenced an entire town.

I'm not sure how this scene would play out with a visit from my guardian angel. Maybe he would say, "Potter was right, you're worth more dead than alive."

If you were sitting across from me now, drinking coffee at Starbucks, you would tell me how valuable I am to God and how much he loves me. You may even quote from Psalm 139 -- For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I would do the same for you. We would talk about how valuable you are to your family, how much they love you, and that there lives would never be the same if you decided to cash it in. We would pray together, I would recommend a counselor and even suggest for you to go see a psychiatrist to get on some medication for anxiety and depression.

Then we would talk about something action oriented for you to do when you got home such as make a list of all of the blessings in your life.

Personally, I believe things are going to get better. I do believe that God is greater than any problem we may need to work through. So for today, I am going to believe that my life is more precious to my family and to God, than getting out of debt. With God's help, our situation will change.