There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love (1 John 4:18).
What does it "feel" like to be loved? This is something that I have been thinking about the past few years. My parents may have loved me, but I didn't know for sure, and I really didn't know what it was supposed to feel like. Most of my marriage life I have not "felt" loved, though Phyllis loves me deeply and cognitively I knew it. A few days ago it dawned on me why. I was listening to the book on tape, Love is Letting Go of Fear by Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD., and the answer became obvious. Love can not be received in the presence of fear (when the Bible speaks about fearing God, a closer meaning would be "reverence awe" rather than being scared).
Most of my childhood was lived in fear. Fear of being abandoned, fear of being punished, fear of having things taken away from me, fear of dying. I lived in an environment of fear. Fear blocks the reception of love.
There are many lessons that can be derived from this concept. Why do so many parents have difficulty with foster children or older child adoptees? Why do these children not immediately respond to love? Maybe it is because they live in fear. Parents can work towards removing fear, which will open the heart to receive love. Love is stronger than death, therefore it is stronger than fear.
Think about how differently a child responds when they have no fear, compared to being fearful. Fear may produce the opposite behavior rather than what we would expect. A child may be acting like they are courageous and nothing affects them, yet inside they are full of fear. Their bravado is just an act. Think about how much time Jesus spent on eliminating his disciples fearfulness.
Removing fear from a child is one of the most important acts of parenting, except for "fearing" God. The greater our awe and respect is for God, the less we will fear. Remember the story of David and Goliath. He didn't fear the giant because of his "awesome respect" for the power of God.
August 7, 2005
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About Me
- David Michael
- Katy, Texas, United States
- Being a husband and a father is the greatest blessing in my life. I am also a Special Educator to students with an autism spectrum disorder.
3 comments:
Great observations and insight...!
Very well put David. I am leading up to this very point at my blog. I would use the word intimacy but Love works just as well. As long as we fear we can't accept Love fully. Maybe partially, but not fully.
David,
I am catching up on about your last 5 posts--I am going to add you to my bloglines so I will know when you update and I won't go so long in between visits.
Your thoughts are insightful and quite true!
JB
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