"Threatening the Placement"

If you want to get more background on this post, "my story" begins June 5.

There are two major mistakes foster/adopt parents can make -- using corporal punishment, and "threatening the placement."

Foster/adopt children have all been abandoned. This is a fact. It may have been due to a death, or the inability of the birth parents to take care of their child. Whatever the case, a foster/adopt child has the knowledge, somewhere in the crevices of their mind, that they were given up by their birth parents. The key to being a good foster/adopt parent is to not trigger that event by "threatening the placement."

On one occasion, the four of us (my brother and two sisters), must have been out of control. Considering what we had been through before the Barnett's picked us up, we were probably wild children. In the heat of the moment, our parents asked us if we wanted to go live with our grandmother. They were probably at their wits end. I can remember screaming and crying, "No!" Another time my brother and I were with my dad and apparently we were misbehaving. He asked us if we wanted to be dropped off in "the bad part of town." Again, this was received with fear and trepidation.

It probably wasn't unusual during this time for many parents to threaten their children, whether birth or foster/adopt. I can remember someone telling me once that their birth parents warned them that if they didn't behave they were going to drop them off at an orphan's home. The parents of the parents probably did the same to them.

This feeling of abandonment has stayed with me throughout my life. I have often thought, for absolutely no reason, that my wife was going to leave me. I have also had the impression that God has left me at different times.

God has promised that he would never abandon us. The Lord is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged." Deut. 31:8 Jesus also said the he would "never leave or forsake" us.

This is a promise that I need to claim for my life. Security is one of the greatest needs of a person's life. Children need to know that their parents will never leave them. Married couples need to remind each other from time to time of their commitment to their wedding vows.

God doesn't "threaten our placement," neither should we. We must make our children feel secure, in an insecure world.

I am starting an additional blog for older child adoptees and parents - www.olderchildadoptee.blogspot.com If you know someone who could benefit from this, pass it along. Thank you!