Father Longing

When one has not had a good father, one must create one. -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Friedrich Nietzshe's father died when Nietzsche was four years old. I can identify with Nietzche's words. My father died a few weeks before my third birthday.

Psychologists with a Freudian bent would have a field day with my life. The Oedipal overtones are profound. My father (birth) died in a one car collision after an argument with my mother (birth). I didn't really think that much about this, until just a few years ago, a psychologist friend mentioned the irony. After going back and studying the Oedipus Complex, it gave me something to think about. Eric Erickson would point out that my father died during the "Trust versus Mistrust" stage.

Regardless, since the time my father died, I have been trying to create a good father and have had a difficult time with trust. The timing of his death is also considered by some during the "ideal father" stage. Children at this age have an idealistic view of their father and most dads think more highly of their fathering abilities than at any other time in fatherhood (Canfield).

Longing for a relationship with my father has never gone away. I believe it is an innate desire for each of us to have a relationship with our father. This desire is created in us. It is a part of our "DNA." Some have referred to this as "father hunger."

(The posts leading up to Father's Day are a "rough" draft. As I have time, I will go back and edit each post.)