"Oughts" and "Ifs"

The real enemies of our lives are the "oughts" and the "ifs." They pull us back into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place in the here and now. God is a God of the present. God is always in the moment, be that moment hard or easy, joyful or painful. When Jesus spoke about God, he always spoke about God as being when and where we are. "When you see me, you see God. When you hear me you hear God." God is not someone who was or will be, but the One who is, and who is for me in the present moment. That's why Jesus came to wipe away the burden of the past and the worries of the future. He wants us to discover God right where we are, here and now.--Henri Nouwen

For many years I did not think much about the "oughts" and the "ifs." However, it seems the past few years I have spent much internal energy contemplating the past. Lately I have been thinking about such things as, "what if my birth father had not died or my birth mother had not left us?" "If only I had done....." is another recurring thought. It is almost as if for years I did not think about this, so for some reason, whether time limitations or to be more at peace, now I need to figure these things out. I know these thoughts are slowing me down, stopping me, and sometimes setting me back from moving forward. It is time to move forward!

I have decide to go back to my favorite inspirational writer, Henri Nouwen, to be my counselor. I am going back through his writings with this thought in mind, "Henri, counsel and coach me through the words in your books. Help me get from where I am, to where God wants me to be."